Title: “United We Stand”
Exhibitor: Holly Richardson
Description: Promoting family unity is very important to this Mom of
12 children. Many of her children started their lives in orphanages, with a wide range of abilities and disabilities and need to learn what it means to be united as a family.
How To’s:
Gospel essentials
Camping
and other family outings
Special
traditions for birthdays and holidays
1. Daily Gospel songs: Every night (and frequently at other times throughout the day) we sing songs from the hymnbook or the Children’s Songbook. We generally sing three consecutive songs, but also sing by “theme”, or by favorites. Even our one and two-year olds can “sing” with us the Primary favorite “Popcorn Popping”. We are not particularly gifted musically, so we frequently use the church CD’s for accompaniment to help us hit the right notes, or to help us learn an unfamiliar song.
2. Scripture study: We read together as a family from the Book of Mormon every night. We use the “regular” version, although occasionally we will read from one of the children’s versions of the Book of Mormon. The bigger children take turns reading with Mom and Dad. The littler ones love to get their own scriptures and pretend to be reading along. We are working on reading other standard works in the morning.
3. Family Prayer: We pray together as a family in the morning and at night, over meals, and whenever there is a need for increased prayer, such as September 11. We take turns praying, with the teeniest children getting help. It only took a matter of a few weeks for our newest additions to the family to understand “Fold your arms” and to start doing just that at prayer time.
4. Father’s blessings: Greg (Daddy) gives Priesthood blessings to our family. Sometimes – such as the start of a new school year, or a new calendar year, he will give blessings to everyone in the family. Other times, he gives individual blessings as needed. The children learn to reverently wait their turn and appreciate each other’s differences that can become apparent through blessings.
5. Family Home Evening: Held weekly, we rotate through lessons, activities, outside games and other fun. We frequently have a “Why I Love You” night, where each individual family member expresses one reason they love every other family member. We also have family testimony meeting where the children can hear their parent’s testimonies, and have a chance to bear their own testimony without being in front of a large crowd.
6.
Temple attendance: Although
not frequent, we do attend the temple as a family when we have a new child
or children to be sealed to us. It
is a special time for all of us to stand or kneel in a sealing room, all in
white, and know that we are a forever family.
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1. For our own family: We will do service projects aimed at other members of the family. Sometimes, all family members work on this. For example, at Christmas, we have everyone doing service projects for the person whose name they drew out of a hat. At other times, we’ll ask only a few children to be involved in special service projects. This might be for another child who is having a hard time, for their “roommates”, or even for Mom!
2. Outside our family: We also serve others. It may an individual project, such as crocheting lace on 100 pairs of socks to donate to orphanages, or going to Haiti to help build an orphanage. However, we really like to do service projects that can involve all of us, whether that is raking leaves for someone or working at the local church welfare farm,. One of our favorite projects is to help out one family at Christmas by having all of the children help with picking appropriate gifts, wrapping them and then watching as we unload the goodies and “doorbell ditch”.
3.
Ideas for other service projects:
· Making hats for humanitarian donations
· Sewing and stuffing balls
· Baking cookies, then visiting someone who needs a lift
· Help the Forest Service
· Visit a retirement home
1. I love you: We say “I love you” dozens of times a day. It may be in a silly little song that we just make up, or in a little poem or on a drawing, or just the “regular” way. Everyone needs to hear “I love you”. Some of our children have come so ignorant of the basic concept of being loved, that it takes much repetition for them. Hearing it frequently allows them enough security to ask if we still love them, even if we are not happy with them. It seems pretty typical to assume that if there is discipline, there is no love. On the contrary – we discipline because we DO love and they learn to understand that.
2. What did you learn today? Another daily ritual that is still fairly new at our house is waiting for Daddy to ask that question at the dinner table. Everyone gets a turn and everyone must listen as we hear their answer. In the few months we have been doing this, the children have increased their ability to answer about something that they truly learned, rather just an account of what happened that day. For example, we may have a discussion on what they learned about weather patterns, or about the ability to predict weather, or what happens when they hear thunder, rather than just the statement “I learned it rained today”.
3. Praising each other. This can be hard for siblings, but daily or almost daily, we’ll have one child be a “cheerleader” for another. For example, Roman might say “Who thinks Aaron is a good cook” and everyone raises their hand and says “I do” or “Me”!
4. Gospel Essentials: See other heading, but we do songs, scriptures and prayers every day.
Camping
and Other Family Outings:
1. Tent camping: There is nothing like camping in a tent with everyone to promote family unity. There are none of the standard distractions, so we all look towards each other for fun and for pitching in with the work. We have read some intense books on family campouts and then discussed their contents without interruptions. We play games, sing songs, fix great food and talk about the wonderful world Heavenly Father created.
2. RV or trailer camping: This simply expands the time you can go camping. I am not up for snow camping in a tent, but it can be great fun in a trailer. You also have to learn how to live and work together in close quarters!
3. Family vacations: Whether we are headed to a family reunion or are headed across the country, we like to use the car time to do something together. We frequently listen to long books on tape (such as The Work and the Glory series). We also assign a “big kid” to a “little kid” for help and entertainment. They learn to serve each other as we spend long hours driving.
4. Zoo, park, etc: We also go with everyone to zoos, parks, playgrounds, etc. Yes, you really can do this with 12 children! During and after, we’ll ask the children what they liked best. Building family memories is a very important part of building family unity.
5. Scrapbooks! I scrapbook those same memories in yearly albums. The children absolutely love looking at those books. I know they help them remember all the fun things we do as a family, and even some of the sad or scary things, like our rollover accident, or the death of their sister, Alexandra in 1995. I also include funny things they said or did, right on the scrapbook pages. As new ones join our family, they feel a sense of belonging as they look at previous year’s scrapbooks, then participate in family outings they know will end up laid out on the pages of that year’s book.
1.
Childhood games: We play a lot of “Duck, Duck,
Goose” in our family. For some reason,
the children just love running around in a circle, chasing each other. When we play outside, our son, Joshua, gets
to “run” in a power wheelchair. When we
are inside, he gets carried. Everyone
always gets at least one turn, and there is always lots of laughing – another
great unifier. We also play games like
“Mother, May I”, “Red Light, Green Light” and others.
2.
Scripture Guessing Game: This is a family favorite as
well. Played like “20 Questions” (but
without a limit), we choose something from the scriptures and take turns
guessing. The kids LOVE to try and
stump Mom and Dad. Sometimes, it will
be an easy one, like Adam and sometimes it’s incredibly obscure, like the stake
that was driven through the temple of the enemy general as he slept.
3.
Active Games: These are sometimes commercial
games from the store, such as “Pit”, but more frequently, they are “made up” on
the spot. Favorites include “Pile on
Daddy”, chase and jumping on the trampoline together. Noisy, boisterous games are OK when the time is right (not on
Sunday, for example).
4.
“Get to Know You” games: We sometimes play games like
the “Ungame” and the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” game. All games of this type allow you to have
some personal talk time on wide-ranging topics. This can include asking
favorites, (like colors, flavors of ice cream . . . ), to specific
memories, to goals and aspirations.
Family unity grows as respect and love grow and each family member
learns more about the others.
5.
Rules are flexible: We rarely follow the “official”
rules that might come with a game. We
want games to be fun, so we adapt and change as needed to help them stay that
way – and to avoid boredom!
Traditions
are an absolutely essential part of who we are as families. They are a special sort of glue for creating
family unity. It can be disheartening
to find that special occasions sometimes overwhelm children, so you must use
your inspiration and divine guidance to know what’s appropriate for your family.
In our family, we have many traditions – and as you know, children
will never let you forget how it’s “supposed” to be done!
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Birthdays
1.
Special meals: The birthday child picks breakfast, lunch
and dinner for their birthday. We have
had some pretty unusual combinations like spaghetti and mashed potatoes. We rarely have birthday cake, as the children
usually pick something like trifle, flan, pie or even cookies.
2.
Birthday date: The birthday boy
or girl get to go on one of Mom and Dads’ weekly date nights. They pick the restaurant and the
activity. They LOVE having our
undivided attention.
3.
Family prayers: The prayers that day always include
expressions of gratitude for that child and special requests for blessings for
him or her.
Holidays
1.
New Year’s Day: Spent as a family at home, usually playing
games, working on puzzles and eating our favorite snack foods all day
long. For the first family home evening
of the new year, we talk about our family goals from the previous year and
write down our family goals for the new year.
Dad then gives priesthood blessings to help start us off right.
2.
Valentine’s Day: We eat pink food all day long – pink
pancakes, pink mashed potatoes, pink rolls, pink drink, etc. We make cookies and decorate them as a
family and we usually play a game where we talk about why we love each person
in the family, or one that lets us get to know each other better.
3.
St. Patrick’s Day: Green food all day, plus at least one
reading of Dr. Seuss’ “Green Eggs and Ham”.
4.
Easter: Story of the resurrection done with plastic Easter eggs the
Monday before Easter. Each egg holds a
symbol of the Easter story – a piece of red cloth for the robe they placed on
Christ, a thorn for the crown He wore, a rock for the rock in front of the
tomb. There are about a dozen in all
and of course the last one is empty, just like the tomb was Easter
morning. During the week, we dye Easter
eggs – one dozen per child. We did 150
this year! The Saturday before Easter,
we have a neighborhood Easter egg hunt, making sure to invite all ages. The younger children (under 12) have a
“regular” hunt, with real eggs and plastic eggs and the older ones do a
flashlight hunt after dark. Easter
morning is low-key as far as candy and baskets go, but we do read “Three Days
Without Light – A Nephite Easter Story” and talk about Jesus and our
testimonies of him.
5.
Memorial Day: We spend a lot of time talking about the
Plan of Salvation, and how we will all be together, even after we die. We visit our daughter’s grave and talk about
her and wonder what she’s doing. It’s a
great time to answer questions and re-affirm the eternal nature of families.
6.
July 4th: Another family day culminating with our own
family “fireworks” display in the street in front of our house.
7.
Halloween: We have a neighborhood Halloween/Harvest
party, with games like “Bobbing for Apples” and “Eat the Donut off the
String”. The children look forward to
inviting their friends for this “traditional” party.
8.
Thanksgiving: As with most families, we all express our
gratitude and list specific things we are thankful for, including each other.
9.
Christmas: While we have many Christmas traditions,
these are some of our favorite ones for building family unity. Each person in the family draws two names
and then works on making gifts for those two people. (We have too many to do gifts for all). These vary from drawing a picture and having Mommy frame it, to
making jewelry, to sewing anything from clothing to dolls to kites and
more. It is one of the highlights of
Christmas morning! We also draw one
name to do “secret service” for. Each
evening, we read a story – sometimes children’s stories and sometimes short
stories of Christmas miracles. We also
have at least one family home evening where we sing Christmas songs the whole
time – everyone picks their favorites and we got until we are practically
hoarse. Each year, we bundle everyone
up and take a trip to Temple Square where we enjoy the lights and music
together.
Mom
and Dad have the opportunity and responsibility to teach children how to be
part of a family. Children learn a lot
by watching.
1.
Regular date nights: The children see on a weekly
basis that it’s important to have time for yourselves.
2.
Working together: Whether it is fixing a clogged
toilet or planting in the garden, children get to see Mom and Dad working
together – and enjoying it!
3.
Childcare and household
duties:
The kids watch Dad change diapers, give baths, do dishes and prepare
meals, sharing those tasks with Mom.
Mom can take out the garbage just as easily. They also see that it’s important for family members to carry out
their responsibilities, even if it’s doing a job they dislike.
4.
Unity in parenting: It’s not uncommon to try and
play one parent off the other, or to try and get permission from one parent
after the other has said no. We decided
long ago to support each other in parenting decisions and to present a united
front. If there are disagreements about
how something was handled, they are discussed later, behind closed doors.
5.
Handling disagreements: We do have disagreements, but
we never “fight”. The children have an
opportunity to learn how to deal with differences in constructive ways.
6.
Expressing affection: In addition to frequent verbal
expressions of affection, we also physically express affection. The children have no doubts that we love
each other. We hold hands, we sit close
together, we kiss, we hug – all in front of our children.
7.
Decision-making: No major decision is made
without both of us agreeing. We don’t
always start out that way, so the children have had opportunities to watch as
we talk through decisions, as we pray about them and as we reach our own decision
to either proceed or not.