56

#: 56

Title: “The Other Man in My Life

Exhibitor: Moana Burgess

Description: This project demonstrates how valuable it is to interact with

the other men in our lives – fathers and grandfathers. It is important to share their wisdom, knowledge, and testimony in our adult life and in the lives of our children and grandchildren. Participating in various activities allows for this interaction and provides a special kind of service that will not be forgotten.

How To’s: Personal Information

Personal Information:

In D&C, section 2, verse 2, we read, “and he shall plant in the hearts of the children the promises made to the fathers, and the hearts of the children shall turn to their fathers.” Though this scriptures has reference to temple work and genealogy, it also tells me of my duty as a member of my family It is a scripture that I have often referenced when I thin of my relationship with “the other many in my life—my grandfather.” He helped me find new meaning in turning my heart to my (grand)father.

My grandfather Olsen Ahmu, passed away in August of 2000. Papa (as we affectionately called him), was 91 years old when he died. He had moved to Utah from Southern California in 1993. He and my grandmother, Dora, lived with my parents. My grandmother preceded my grandfather in death in 1996. Both my parents work full-time, so Papa was home alone for most of the day after she died.

I am 42 years old, happily married and the mother of five children, age 10-18. I am active in church and community duties. I consider myself a “Martha” like personality – always able to find excuses to clean and organize things, sometimes forgetting to balance life out by being more “Mary” like. Because my life is so busy I could always find legitimate excuses why not to be about “my grandfather’s business,” but when I did concern myself with him, I found the rewards far greater than I expected. I live about a mile away from my parent’s house.

Interacting with the other man in my life--my grandfather--taught me many lessons. I learned patience because old people don’t move very fast and they do have all day to do things. I learned selflessness by thinking about how he might want to be treated. I wanted him to feel important and needed. I tried to find many occasions to enlist his help and advice, and I wanted him to be involved in the lives of my children. Not many children have the privilege of interacting with their great-grandparents. I made sure our family visited him often. I made sure he joined us for birthdays, fireworks, Sunday dinners, school band concerts, drives up the canyon in the fall, lunches at Burger King, etc. I realized that most of all he just wanted to be useful, to serve others, and do the Lord’s will. My heart truly did turn to him, and the day he died, my heart broke a little. It has mended with time and memories and the knowledge of families being together forever. I know that my Redeemer lives and that I will see my grandfather again. I am so thankful.

Physical Activities:

Pap was a diabetic, but for 90% of his life he was active physically and participated in sports. As he aged he still was concerned about staying strong and fit. I was able to help him by:

Taking him to get haircuts on a regular basis. Papa had a beautiful head of hair and haircuts were a must. He liked to be well groomed.
Taking him to doctor appointments. Just being the ears to relate comments from the doctor to my parents helped because Papa didn’t always want to hear everything the doctor said. I often asked him if he understood what the doctor was telling him that he needed to do. If not, we could always clear thing up right then and there with the doctor. It was important to take him to the optometrist regularly. He benefited from cataract surgery in his late 80’s.
Taking him to dentist appointments. As Papa aged, his dentures didn’t fit properly (they became loose) and it was painful for him to eat. He was grateful to be fitted for new dentures.
Taking him shopping. Just getting Papa out of the house and moving around was a good thing. Sometimes he just wanted to lean on a grocery cart and walk the aisles to prove he could still stand and move. He often wanted to buy simple pleasures like sardines, Vienna sausages, pickles, or a candy bar.
Taking him fishing. Papa loved to fish and I didn’t, but I made opportunities to indulge him. He helped the children bait their hooks and gave them tips. We had fish fries afterwards.
Taking him swimming. One of my fondest memories is of him attempting to dive into a pool at about age 86. He flopped flat on his stomach and just lay there. We rushed to aid him and he picked up his head and laughed and laughed. We asked him if he was okay and he said he was. He said, “I told my body to do a flip dive into the pool, but it wouldn’t listen to me.”

Mental Activities:

Papa had a very keen mind and could remember things that happened to him in his childhood. He was gifted musically. He was a big band leader and played the electric keyboard, guitar, saxophone, and clarinet. He read the newspaper and watched TV. He had favorite sports. He loved gardening. Knowing his abilities, his hobbies, his passions, helped me to find activities to involve him more in my life.

Papa helped my children with their music. As they picked instruments to play I would have them practice with Papa and he would critique and encourage them. He helped my oldest daughter perfect her solo night pieces. She’d blow her French horn and he’d blow his saxophone and tell her when she was off beat or playing a wrong note. He taught my second daughter how play the clarinet. He taught my oldest son how to play the saxophone (just months prior to his death). When Papa was bedridden during the last month of his life, my son would play his saxophone for him to show him how much he was improving. Papa was always invited to attend concerts and solo nights. He often came and thoroughly enjoyed himself. We encouraged Papa to play for us too.
Papa helped me with my gardening. I found opportunities to bring him to my house to help me doctor ailing houseplants. He was the one who taught me how to prune my roses. He delighted in seeing our vegetable garden and we shared our fruits and vegetables with him. My children saved grass clippings for him t compost his flowerbeds. My parents made him a small greenhouse (about 8’x 4’) and I often asked him to show me his orchids and exotic plants. He took great pride in his plants and in showing them to others.
When visiting Papa, I always tried to ask him about current events. He liked to talk about the news, the weather, his basketball team (the LA Lakers) and other sport events. He was a fan of tennis and wrestling too. When sporting events were on TV he liked company to sit and watch the game with him.
I found occasions to talk to Papa about his past. Some conversations would start out like, “Papa, tell me about when you were a little boy.” Or “Papa, tell me how you met Grandma.” I taped some of our conversations, but I wish I had taped more. I learned a lot of his history and he liked to reminisce.
My children and I took several bus rides with him. Papa was a diesel mechanic and worked on buses. He would often tell us stories about his bus mechanic days and how smart he was when it came to working with engines. Though he couldn’t drive, my parents let him keep his car and he enjoyed just sitting in it and hearing the engine purr.

Spiritual Activities:

Papa was active in the church all of his life. Before Papa moved to Utah, he had served as a Patriarch for the Samoan saints in the Torrance, California Stake and he also served a temple mission in Los Angeles.

I found great spiritual blessings in attending the temple with Papa. Because of his diabetes, we worked around his schedule and timed things so that we would go eat lunch in the cafeteria and do an endowment sessions before he needed to snack or eat again. He would chastise me for buying him lunch, but I reminded him of all time times he did it for me. He loved to sit in the Celestial Room. He said he felt so close to grandma there. He would often cry and talk to her.
It was important to him to visit grandma’s grave regularly. He took great pride in keeping the grass around her headstone trimmed. He made sure she had flowers too. I often drove him to the store to buy artificial flowers to place in pots there. On days when the weather wasn’t so nice, or he didn’t feel like getting out, we would just drive to the cemetery and sit in the car and talk or just enjoy the serenity and beauty.
One of the best things I did for Papa was help plan his 90^th birthday celebration. It wasn’t the party itself that was the best thing, but it was what came about because of the party. Being the oldest granddaughter, I mailed a letter to as many of his family and friends that my mother had addresses for and asked each to return to me a birthday greeting, memories, photos, etc., that I could include in a scrapbook for Papa. I received over 100 pages from all over the world. He cried when he saw this. Some days I’d visit him and he’d ask me to just read these to him as he lay in bed. They always seemed to make him cry. I often reminded him how great an influence for good he had on so many people. I was glad that he heard these things before he died and that they weren’t just shard at his funeral I know this lifted his spirits and he knew he had lived a good life. Now we know too.
He loved reading the scriptures. I took him to Deseret Industries to find scriptures with large print. He also liked to read the Church News and magazines.