Title: “Planning a Wedding and Staying Sane”
Exhibitor: Merrily Bird
Description: Unlike most traditional weddings an LDS
wedding focuses
more on the sacredness of the ceremony and the spirit of the
occasion than on the grandeur of the moment.
Nonetheless it is certainly a very stressful time for those personally
involved with the ceremony and reception plans. My recently married daughter said, “As much as I hated that list
Mom, it was the smartest thing you did for my wedding. It was a nuisance, but it kept us on track
and it allowed us to enjoy the engagement.”
She was the inspiration for the workshop. My idea is to help
reduce stress and get your creative juices going. I hope you can glean a few ideas to keep peace in your relationship
with your son or daughter and help your occasion be a meaningful one.
How To’s: To the Bride
Flowers
Create the Perfect Atmosphere
Photography
Preserves the Memories
Bride’s
Honeymoon Packing List
Groom’s
Honeymoon Packing List
Ever since you were
very young you have dreamed of meeting your prince charming and what your
wedding would be like. Your wedding is
hopefully a once in an eternity occasion.
Just as you have prepared all your earthly life for this moment you
should take a little time to plan and prepare the celebration. Whether you
realize it or not from the very moment you were placed in your mother’s arms,
your Mom has dreamed and planned for your wedding too. Everything she’s taught
you throughout your growing up years has been in preparation for this one and
most important step you will be taking, marriage to the right person, at the
right time, and in the right place.
·
Decide what
really matters to you. Make those
requests and then let the person footing the bill make the rest of the choices.
·
As you set
your wedding date and time, coordinate with both families to make it convenient
for all. This will save stress and hurt feelings.
·
Work out a
budget with your parents.
·
Give your mom
one whole day the first week you’re engaged.
Make pertinent decisions that day.
i.e.: colors, location, flower
choices, cake style, etc. Then she can move ahead with other plans.
·
Communication
is essential. Talking it out will save
a lot of misunderstandings and lay a foundation to build a strong marriage and
keep your parents your friends.
·
Solve conflict
immediately.
·
Don’t feel
like you have to involve the new mother-in-law in everything.
·
Check off at
least 5 things weekly from your “To Do List.”
·
Don’t
procrastinate.
·
Be
appreciative
·
Be punctual
·
This can be a
great bonding time with your Mom. Take
advantage of it.
·
Hug your Dad a
lot.
·
Ask for a
father’s blessing
·
Don’t stay up
late. Give Satan a rest!
This will probably be one of the hardest
times of your life. It’s your priesthood duty to make sure you both enter the
temple worthily. Study scriptures
together and choose activities that don’t invite Satan. In fact put him to bed early every night by
setting a midnight curfew.
First you must ask for her hand in marriage.
Second you must deal with the women.
Your mom will feel like she’s loosing her son and she’ll cry a lot. Your
soon to be mother-in-law feels like your taking her daughter from her never to
been seen again and she’ll cry a lot.
Your bride is torn between trying to please and impress your parents and
yet keep peace with her parents, and she’ll cry a lot. Her dad will feel like he’s loosing his
little girl but mostly the dads don’t get too emotional as long as you treat
her like she’s a queen and you stay with in budget. Otherwise they cry a lot.
Advise from my sons:
·
Buy a box of
Kleenex
·
Be punctual
·
Be
appreciative
·
Offer help to
both moms even if it means scheduling a block of time every week. Usually they don’t need much more than an
hour. Mostly they just need to know
you’re thinking of them.
·
Decide what
really matters to you. Make those
requests and then let the person footing the bill makes the rest of the
choices.
·
When the women
ask what you think, have an opinion.
·
Recognize
there is much to be done and get busy on your list of items.
·
Don’t be
possessive of the Bride. There are so
many things she and her Mom must do together. Give them space. You’ll have your bride soon enough.
·
Ask for a
father’s blessing.
·
Give her a
solid kiss at the altar and act like you’re glad she’s yours.
·
Make your
good-byes short each night.
·
Never be alone
together after 10:00 p.m.
·
Keep a
midnight curfew.
·
Ask your two
sealing witnesses at least two weeks in advance.
In
twenty years of consulting I have yet to meet the Mom that didn’t complain even
a little about the Bride being self absorbed and more concerned about pleasing
the groom than the mother who is paying for the reception. Nor have I met a mother of the groom that
didn’t feel he spent more time at her home trying to please the bride’s mother
than he did helping his own mother with her needs, especially if the groom’s
family has an open house to plan. Just expect
it and try to understand that they are the focus of attention right now and
rightfully so. He thinks she’s perfect and you wouldn’t be happy about the
prospects of a son-in-law who didn’t think your daughter was perfect. You have spent her lifetime teaching her and
preparing her to be a successful wife and mother. This is her first step.
Let her take it.
The
Bride looks at her fiancée as her Priesthood leader and it’s appropriate for
her to
turn
to him for counsel as they begin their lives together. As a mother of a son you’ve
spent
many years teaching him to honor his priesthood responsibilities, respect women
and
most especially respect the role of mother and father. Now he will apply those
lessons
and begin to lead his own family by establishing a caring and loving
relationship
with
his future wife. Let him lead.
The
moms have most of the responsibility.
There is little way around it.
It came with
the
calling of Mother. Face it and move
forward. Here’s my advice:
·
Communicate
·
Be patient.
Accept the fact they’re going to be very self-centered but they don’t
intend to be.
·
Be understanding.
This is a frustrating time for them to try to please everyone.
·
Keeping up on your scripture reading, exercise, and
your nutritional needs, will help alleviate stress.
·
Set a budget.
·
Tell her what things you would like to be involved
in choosing, such as the wedding dress or her honeymoon lingerie. Many brides are clueless the mom would like
to be included.
·
Develop a plan and stick to your time frame.
·
Do the most important things first. What isn’t done by the last week, cancel.
·
Be forgiving.
Address conflicts immediately.
Express your feelings to them both so they understand why you feel as
you do.
·
Delegate and let them do it. You can follow up each
week but don’t nag. To Do Lists will
save your sanity and your relationships.
·
Don’t ask for his opinion unless you will accept
it.
·
Enjoy the moment.
This can be a really fun experience and it ends all too soon.
·
Shut the door to her room so you don’t see the
mess. She’ll never remember her messy
room but she will remember the relationship and fun times together as you shop
for a dress, veil, thank you gifts, etc.
·
Prepare a list of jobs you can delegate to friends
if they offer to help. When they offer,
accept the help.
·
Prepare to enter the temple.
You’re
the sentinel at the gate! He’s going to
come to you first to ask for her hand.
Be ready with a few words of wisdom and don’t make him suffer too much. If you already blew it and wish you’d said
more to him, or them, you still can.
Sit them down for a little counsel. You are training them now as parents
of their own bride or groom one day. You have the right to offer blessings and
warnings too.
This is a very important time to Moms and
their daughters. Encourage them to
spend time together. Your role in
building and protecting the relationships between the families is vital. You’ll be the sounding board for all the
frustrations and excitements. Remind
them of the good times when they are down. Relish the talks with your daughter
& son. They will listen to your
counsel more now than ever in their life.
Help
plan a budget you can afford. Be
reasonable but frugal and if at all possible, keep dept low. Being generous into a large debt hasn’t
taught the newlyweds sound finance skills and has only added stress on your own
marriage relationship.
My
husband’s advise:
·
It’s important that you are involved in setting the
budget if you and your wife are paying for part of the expenses.
·
The Father of the Groom should encourage the
parents to get together to talk about finances within two weeks after the
engagement.
·
Don’t have an opinion unless asked. Even then just give counsel and let the
women make the final decision. It’s a
female thing and you don’t have to understand, OK!
·
Understand you’ll be neglected a little (in fact
you might as well order dinner in the week before the wedding).
·
Spend some one-on-one time with the groom while the
women are shopping.
·
Expect your To Do List to continue growing until
the day after the wedding.
·
Meet with the bride and groom and help them
understand the importance of keeping an early curfew and setting tighter
restraints on being alone too much.
·
Wear what ever the bride and groom asks you to.
·
Be prepared to enter the temple.